You’d be hard pressed to find someone without a “guy/girl that got away” story,
I thought I’d share mine as an example of a more modern-day tale, as this category of stories must now of course include the online world of dating apps.
we will call Courtney. Courtney is one of 138 women (I know, not great odds batting 0 out of 138) I have matched with on the dating app Hinge… which I personally believe is the best dating app since Okcupid first came around. Courtney first came up on my radar after I had made the decision not to “like” any more girls on the app until a few started liking ME.
She ended up liking one of my photos and sharing that we might actually know each other, as we both worked in the social work field and the respective agencies that employed us often crossed paths.
Upon a quick glance
at her profile… I was absolutely smitten! She was beautiful, around my age, and looked so genuinely happy and content in all her photos. She also had a photo of a perfect-looking sky — Hinge only allows for 6 photos and 3 statements, so it’s rare to see something like a landscape photo. Somehow it was refreshing, and it let me know something she found beautiful. On further inspection of her profile, I noticed she also did not want kids. Even though she did have a picture of her with a dog (not the biggest fan of dogs, myself) I decided to make the jump and answer her question. I answered simply and asked a follow-up question as you do. This led to one of the fastest numbers I ever got on Hinge. We exchanged 8 messages, and numbers were exchanged as well as a date set for a coffee.
I was completely head over heels as the saying goes,
which is part of my problem. We had a wonderful coffee date which lasted two and a half hours. In my head, that meant it was going very well. I found out she liked traveling, board games, cats, and had a similar sentiment toward dogs (turns out the dog in her picture was her family’s dog). As the date started drawing to a close, I started to feel like I could see an end to singleness with someone I would truly love to be around each and every day. We texted daily for a bit. She was in the process of moving to Denver from a suburb. When I suggested that we should go on another date, she said she was interested but wanted to focus on moving first. I let her know that was fine and offered my help in moving as well.
the last text I got from her was, “That’s sweet, thank you I will let you know.” She never wrote back after that, and I did not text her again. To me that response had sounded like she was getting ready to close our book and move on, so I closed it first, and cried in the shower like a man.
It’s always hard to navigate your way around these situations and most of the time you won’t ever really know the reason(s) it didn’t work, but in retrospect I can see that this one got away at least partly because I slammed the book shut myself. I couldn’t bear to read the ending! But also a good friend, upon hearing my tale of woe, said maybe that by talking for so long with her, I might have given her the idea that I was more friend than fiery romantic demigod, and that perhaps she was seeking the latter. I will have to work harder on the art of smoldering.
My trusted friend Brittney
also had some feedback to give regarding the potential problem with my first example of One That Got Away — in talking for so long with her on the first date, it became apparent that we might actually have… TOO much in common? Having given it some thought, I could see how this might become a problem in that we might not push each other to try new things or meet new people. Amber, 22, says “I think after a while if you are with someone that likes all the same things, eventually that’s going to be boring. You need someone that will push the boundaries, keeping it fresh. I would say this helps in the bedroom too.” That does sound like a recipe for eventual boredom.
Another point Brittney made,
perhaps even a little more concerning, is that if one of the things you have in common is that you are both stubborn, fights could last longer. Lydia, 33, shares,
“When I was younger, I dated someone that was exactly like me in every way. Though there were good times, I do remember the fights and particularly the fact that we would not talk to each other for days because neither one of us would give in.” This also seems like something important to factor in when selecting a new partner.
every person is different and has their own idea on how much in common is too much in common. In life, you will sometimes meet people you consider to be absolutely perfect for you, but who you are might not be their idea of a good fit for them. And that’s okay, because you want to have balance in any successful relationship. But if one of you is all the way in, and the other is not fully convinced, the time you have together may be rocky. Maybe in the end it is okay that a few become The Ones That Got Away.
Until next time! Stay loving.